Who is it, what do I want? The thought that permeates my brain, which creates the lust and the desire that, moves me from face to face.
I look and feel my dick say her, her, and her. My brain stops and thinks, perhaps for too long, saying not her, not her, and not her. Who is right? It doesn’t take much to feel good, too feel attractive and strong with a thin and beautiful woman. Just words and effort. But I can’t help but wonder who she is. How much sex do I need to know when it is worth it? How much is the superficial worth from my life, or is the superficial indicative of the inside. Who really gives a shit, maybe all it is the superficial and what worth you put into it.
Are we all just creatures of our own realities? Just making up the connections we choose when we bump into one another? Are we just exploiting the connections we make when bumping into one another?
I know what I want, but in reflection I just feel so superficial about it. Then again I am the one who designates that superficiality. Am I right, or wrong? Does it matter? How much do I care about the opinions of others? The scary thing is I feel that the designations I am making towards my attraction I know would not be frowned upon by me peers.
It’s so much that feel some kind of freedom, almost catharsis from the control I get from it. I know what I want and the drive I need to follow it. Once I get into the driver’s seat I know how to navigate things. It is only when I question my drive and motivation and the investment in return that I feel strange. I feel like I should have more return, more self involvement to get the return I am. What worth am I putting on things that are payed towards a reflection of me? What is the worth of my dick in her anyways?
They say the sex doesn't last, but you'll always be hungry.
Ya know, who cares, I have found the things that are worth while still hang on. Sex is superficial, the end result of desire that is a reflection of the worth you put on yourself. Am I worth a fuck? Are you? I want friends, I want those I love, and sex is not a qualifier for that need. Sex is just something we all might need.
Shit well, at least me.... I guess I do want that friend, that person I enjoy and don't get angry around. That I can still fuck...I hate being straight.
I love late morning. The blinds are trying to keep the midday sun out but we both know its true meaning. I don't know why but I keep putting white sheets on my bed and keeping the cover off of my feather bedspread. You just look so damn good naked against it. I can’t help myself from trying to set up that internal "porn shot" for myself. Then again you don't seem to mind being naked on my white sheets, or the horribly dirty things you let me do when I can’t take it anymore.
How is you can laugh when I have you on all fours and be balls deep into you while I am humming the water level them from super Mario bros? Why do I want to do that with you? Why is that even sexy?
Actually, what are sexy are those quiet times. Those times we both lie above the covers and just look at each other. Not some kind of creepy stare or awkward silence. One of those, "we really look into each other’s eyes and can't tell why we laugh at the same time every now and then, but we laugh at the same time anyways."
I once was told that the magic of what makes marriage so special is that you are forced to look silently at one another in front of god and everyone and really think about what you are doing. Do we really care what god and everyone thinks we are doing?
Have I ever said that even if I was blind, touching you would be all I need? Just feeling your skin, smelling your body, and hearing you breathe would be enough to turn me on every time.
But there was this one conversation about if the world ever ended. I would carry the big stick and protect us, while you would be the brains, letting me know if it was alright to smash our fellow survivors. Letting them live, being part of the wonderfully basic society we want to have. That made me want to repopulate the earth with just the two of us. The conversation did turn towards the perfect post apocalyptic gardening and survival methods, but I remembered it later while we were having sex :).
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
James
Sorry, but I have to bust your work so to say, maybe just fill (Ah's be using tagger slingo's)....
Edit: Per James I am to link his blog lest I incur wrath....http://tim-jim.blogspot.com/ I hope since you are my only reader you are happiu :)
A Coat of White Primer
Joe's head reeled and elevated as he traced a tapering arch or red spray paint across the whitewashed wall. Needing a breath he stepped back and pulled the black paisley bandanna down from his face. He looked over at Chunt who had just sat back from the wall a few feet away a slash of neon green and blue arcing in front of him.
"Sure this is a good idea, being such an enclosed area?" Joe called over to a now crouching Chunt, who's coughing echoed off the cement floor and cinder block walls.
“Naw, it’s cool,” Chunt replied, pulling down the bandanna in front of his face. "Don't you love that smell and that rush? Just think of the dark spots in your eyes as dots and connect em." Chunt fell back laughing on the floor laughing at his little joke. If the murals covering the walls, and the manic laugh were any indication, he had probably killed a lot of braincells and gotten used to the purple sploches your vision gets from too much ethyl-propellant and too little oxygen.
Joe just shook his head and called to Chunts wheezing frame “The rent's must think you're pretty devoted to let ya do this? ” Joe swept his arm over the Several hundred feet of barren, residential, upper class housing basement. Chunt's wheezing laugh stopped as he gazed at the ceiling which should have had drop ceiling for a basement rec room and theater.
"Why are you doing this Chunt? I know you just got thrown in the cooler and all, but...."
"My mom said I am a waste of talent and time..." Chunt interrupted, Joe's mouth hung open as he tried to reel in his words.
"The `rent's, both Bob and Cathy said they weren't going to support and bail out someone with no future. So I decided, lets put together a portfolio for art school..." He jutted his thumb towards the Digital SLR and tripod facing the latest mural.
Joe crinkled his face up a little, re-sizing his best friend actually taking something seriously for once in the time he knew him. "So lemme get this right.... Bob, 'Mr why-cant-you-be-more-like-your-frat-rapist-brother' and Cathy 'Sure dear, as-long-as-you-leave-me-and-my-daiquiri-alone' convinced you to straiten up and fly right?" Joe laughed and shook his head in disbelief.
Chunt, not looking or caring continued “I was down at the train yards... as long as you don’t cover any identifying marks on the rail cars. You're pretty safe, right?... Well, the watchman must not have gotten that memo. He must have called the cops before chasing after me. I practically jumped into the patrol car as I ran out the driveway.” Chunt punctuated with a little laugh.
“That’s harsh dude.”
"Totally man, As I sat in that white cell, listening to Bob and Cathy argue and harass the bail officers. I thought about how all I wanted to do was fill that wall with color, Make all the blank spaces fill with color." Chunt got up from the floor and pulled his over sized pants up with one hand while adjusting the bandanna around his neck with the other. "I want to make the empty areas fill with something. That's why when Cathy...Mom, said that I was a waste of talent and time I decided to do this. I knew her words were empty, but I wanted to fill them in...."
The pair stood back and admired the handiwork. Empty walls never looked so good.
Edit: Per James I am to link his blog lest I incur wrath....http://tim-jim.blogspot.com/ I hope since you are my only reader you are happiu :)
A Coat of White Primer
Joe's head reeled and elevated as he traced a tapering arch or red spray paint across the whitewashed wall. Needing a breath he stepped back and pulled the black paisley bandanna down from his face. He looked over at Chunt who had just sat back from the wall a few feet away a slash of neon green and blue arcing in front of him.
"Sure this is a good idea, being such an enclosed area?" Joe called over to a now crouching Chunt, who's coughing echoed off the cement floor and cinder block walls.
“Naw, it’s cool,” Chunt replied, pulling down the bandanna in front of his face. "Don't you love that smell and that rush? Just think of the dark spots in your eyes as dots and connect em." Chunt fell back laughing on the floor laughing at his little joke. If the murals covering the walls, and the manic laugh were any indication, he had probably killed a lot of braincells and gotten used to the purple sploches your vision gets from too much ethyl-propellant and too little oxygen.
Joe just shook his head and called to Chunts wheezing frame “The rent's must think you're pretty devoted to let ya do this? ” Joe swept his arm over the Several hundred feet of barren, residential, upper class housing basement. Chunt's wheezing laugh stopped as he gazed at the ceiling which should have had drop ceiling for a basement rec room and theater.
"Why are you doing this Chunt? I know you just got thrown in the cooler and all, but...."
"My mom said I am a waste of talent and time..." Chunt interrupted, Joe's mouth hung open as he tried to reel in his words.
"The `rent's, both Bob and Cathy said they weren't going to support and bail out someone with no future. So I decided, lets put together a portfolio for art school..." He jutted his thumb towards the Digital SLR and tripod facing the latest mural.
Joe crinkled his face up a little, re-sizing his best friend actually taking something seriously for once in the time he knew him. "So lemme get this right.... Bob, 'Mr why-cant-you-be-more-like-your-frat-rapist-brother' and Cathy 'Sure dear, as-long-as-you-leave-me-and-my-daiquiri-alone' convinced you to straiten up and fly right?" Joe laughed and shook his head in disbelief.
Chunt, not looking or caring continued “I was down at the train yards... as long as you don’t cover any identifying marks on the rail cars. You're pretty safe, right?... Well, the watchman must not have gotten that memo. He must have called the cops before chasing after me. I practically jumped into the patrol car as I ran out the driveway.” Chunt punctuated with a little laugh.
“That’s harsh dude.”
"Totally man, As I sat in that white cell, listening to Bob and Cathy argue and harass the bail officers. I thought about how all I wanted to do was fill that wall with color, Make all the blank spaces fill with color." Chunt got up from the floor and pulled his over sized pants up with one hand while adjusting the bandanna around his neck with the other. "I want to make the empty areas fill with something. That's why when Cathy...Mom, said that I was a waste of talent and time I decided to do this. I knew her words were empty, but I wanted to fill them in...."
The pair stood back and admired the handiwork. Empty walls never looked so good.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Lono
I have donned myself Lono, one who returns. I am the god of cultivated plants and word games. The trickster and lover of lush verdant green. I do not return to the home I found but roam, spreading the gift of my powers. Upon the the end of days I shall return to peaceably bring my gardens and lead my people to the next world, drum in hand and joy in my voice. I am destruction and joy. I am the storm that destroys your hut for you to build your fortune.
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