Singled out

Who is it, what do I want? The thought that permeates my brain, which creates the lust and the desire that, moves me from face to face.

I look and feel my dick say her, her, and her. My brain stops and thinks, perhaps for too long, saying not her, not her, and not her. Who is right? It doesn’t take much to feel good, too feel attractive and strong with a thin and beautiful woman. Just words and effort. But I can’t help but wonder who she is. How much sex do I need to know when it is worth it? How much is the superficial worth from my life, or is the superficial indicative of the inside. Who really gives a shit, maybe all it is the superficial and what worth you put into it.

Are we all just creatures of our own realities? Just making up the connections we choose when we bump into one another? Are we just exploiting the connections we make when bumping into one another?

I know what I want, but in reflection I just feel so superficial about it. Then again I am the one who designates that superficiality. Am I right, or wrong? Does it matter? How much do I care about the opinions of others? The scary thing is I feel that the designations I am making towards my attraction I know would not be frowned upon by me peers.

It’s so much that feel some kind of freedom, almost catharsis from the control I get from it. I know what I want and the drive I need to follow it. Once I get into the driver’s seat I know how to navigate things. It is only when I question my drive and motivation and the investment in return that I feel strange. I feel like I should have more return, more self involvement to get the return I am. What worth am I putting on things that are payed towards a reflection of me? What is the worth of my dick in her anyways?

They say the sex doesn't last, but you'll always be hungry.

Ya know, who cares, I have found the things that are worth while still hang on. Sex is superficial, the end result of desire that is a reflection of the worth you put on yourself. Am I worth a fuck? Are you? I want friends, I want those I love, and sex is not a qualifier for that need. Sex is just something we all might need.

Shit well, at least me.... I guess I do want that friend, that person I enjoy and don't get angry around. That I can still fuck...I hate being straight.


I love late morning. The blinds are trying to keep the midday sun out but we both know its true meaning. I don't know why but I keep putting white sheets on my bed and keeping the cover off of my feather bedspread. You just look so damn good naked against it. I can’t help myself from trying to set up that internal "porn shot" for myself. Then again you don't seem to mind being naked on my white sheets, or the horribly dirty things you let me do when I can’t take it anymore.

How is you can laugh when I have you on all fours and be balls deep into you while I am humming the water level them from super Mario bros? Why do I want to do that with you? Why is that even sexy?

Actually, what are sexy are those quiet times. Those times we both lie above the covers and just look at each other. Not some kind of creepy stare or awkward silence. One of those, "we really look into each other’s eyes and can't tell why we laugh at the same time every now and then, but we laugh at the same time anyways."

I once was told that the magic of what makes marriage so special is that you are forced to look silently at one another in front of god and everyone and really think about what you are doing. Do we really care what god and everyone thinks we are doing?

Have I ever said that even if I was blind, touching you would be all I need? Just feeling your skin, smelling your body, and hearing you breathe would be enough to turn me on every time.

But there was this one conversation about if the world ever ended. I would carry the big stick and protect us, while you would be the brains, letting me know if it was alright to smash our fellow survivors. Letting them live, being part of the wonderfully basic society we want to have. That made me want to repopulate the earth with just the two of us. The conversation did turn towards the perfect post apocalyptic gardening and survival methods, but I remembered it later while we were having sex :).